For you I would be a nightmare
by blueforu
Summary: A half-blood whom best friend might be the down fall to her life.. AU OCC


_Screams where the one thing that rang through the night. The world is known for having horrible sights but not the one that most are being pledge with tonight._

Her breath was even maybe a bit off compared to how a normal human breaths but she was breathing none the less.

Most who saw Bellatrix Black only felt fear or envy but for Hermione Granger she felt a twist in her stomach something her friend Pansy would have loved to known in any other moment beside right now; she to was nervous.

Some people have made comments about Pansy and Hermione 'friendship'; Pansy was able to feel what Hermione felt they both longed for the same bloodline but they also knew that everyone else did as well.

Hermione Granger felt an unknown feeling inside of herself for Bellatrix Black but for Pansy she felt what most call puppy love for a certain blond.

There was a whisper of the halls of Hogwarts of a rebellion against the Dark Lord which meant that Hogwarts would be filled with the finest Death Eaters and most of the excellent fighters were single mainly for the reason most thought they were; for 'benefits' with their 'fans'.

Pansy who was stealing looks at Draco who was a year older then the duo was standing with his father ready for the moment to prove himself to his aunt and the Dark Lord.

All Hermione could do was look at the ground trying not to look to close to see the women she idolized or at least that's what her mother likes to call it.

As a young girl all Hermione could and would think was how cool it would be to be Bellatrix Black now she thinks it would be cool to be _inside _of her. Lucky for Hermione she found her best friend Pansy who also had a very common childhood dream; to be best friends with Draco Malfoy that turned into having Draco find a best man for their wedding.

Both of their thoughts were very common amongst purebloods wanting to marry up or had eyes and even though it's unlikely to come true it's usually the most common thoughts that become true.

As Hermione gave Pansy a push; she slowly walked away mixing into a coward feeling numb to look the other way.

At least Pansy has a chance Hermione had thought knowing Draco true feelings.

Xxx

"Breath, breath… Bloody breath" Pansy mumbled as she walked closer to the group of Death Eaters.

Her stomach was in a knot with nervousness. She was about to go up to Draco and ask if he like to sit with her and even though it they would be without Hermione it could be like the good old days.

Good old days? Ugh I'm starting to sound like Hermione's mother and I could never allow herself to be as low as the Granger no matter how close Hermione and I are.

We purebloods are always better then those half-bloods even if Hermione father had the Dark Lord blessing and word that she was an equal.

I guess that why everyone friends with her because she had the Dark Lord blessing _and_ protection before she could even breathe….

"Pansy?" I look up in shocked realizing I've been standing in front of Draco zoning out.

"Oh hello" I feel the need to hit myself but I will restrain myself till I get back to Hermione; it all her fault I look like an idiot anyways if only she hadn't shoved me causing my feet to lead me here.

"Hello" he says as he slowly allows his shoulder to drop making him look more like the Draco Malfoy I'm in love with instead of a fighter. "Is that a yes or?"

A yes? I really wish I could use the crucio on Hermione right now if she wasn't my best friend I wouldn't be inside my head as much trying to figure things out like she does.

"Look it fine if you rather not have lunch with me…"

"Yes! ... I mean sure" I must be a boy going through puberty because that the only way to explain the high pitch voice that escaped me.

"Great" His smile, oh how it so sarcastic yet so sincere; he turns his back to me which I take as my cue to go back to Hermione maybe she not that stupid.

"Oh Pansy don't forget to invite Hermione!"

Oh how I wish I could have erased my thoughts of Hermione not being so stupid; she the definition of being stupid and it not even in a fun way because her stupidity blinds my sanity.

I picked up my speed as I try to drown out his request; maybe I can go to potions and just maybe at lunch I could pretend that I hadn't hear him or maybe convince Hermione to skip lunch.

Everyone knows Hermione isn't into blokes; Heck I would be surprised if they didn't!

Hermione gay; Draco knows this…. There no way he would want here especially over me... Right?

Xxx

Brew, mixture, liquid remedy…..

How could so many words that slide off the tongue so nice have to go potion which goes with the only class that I feel no need to be in; if only Bellatrix could be apart of this class. I feel she would understand me better then anyone else.

I shuffle my feet a bit to the idea… How silly can I be?

This class is usually so much fun because Pansy and I pick on Hufflepuff just so those annoying Gryffindor will pick a fight trying to stand up for them and causing them to lose house points.

Unfortunately for me Pansy ignored me causing me to curse a bit lucky for me Professor Snape looked the other way and it also helped I'm his favorite.

Professor Snape is one of the Dark Lord most trusted and just like the more known Death Eaters; he could have anyone as long as their eighteen and hopefully for his sake of mind not a Ravenclaw.

"Pansy how did it go?" I ask leaning in trying to look like I'm reading page 394. My mind hurts from trying to read such numbing words.

"Bugger off or I'll hex you into next week"

It sounds like Pansy but instead of a teasing smile her jaw is clenched and she not looking up from her boring book.

Pansy would always demand to learn something dark; she doesn't understand our lord he only wants the ones he selected to know the dark arts as well as Severus but explaining common senses to Pansy is like expecting loony Luna to be…well normal.

"Come on Parkinson!" I say a bit too loud causing a glare from Snape.

I stop leaning forward and sit down and try to think. I've been told I'm the brightest of my peers so why is it so hard to read someone I know?

I look over at Pansy.

Nothing looks odd, she dressed in a Slytherin robe and her hair is pulled up neatly… She looks just like me besides the fact that my bushy hair is down and Green and Sliver look better on me then her; so what could possibly be wrong?

I groan out loud causing a few looks and very lust filled glance from some Hufflepuff boy.

If glares could kill he would be died along with his very possible boner.

He either said no or she didn't ask him meaning I'm in very much trouble.

How I wish for just this once Professor Snape would have hit me upside the head for not paying attention so I wouldn't be filled with this guilt.

I can't wait to express how sorry I am….Not.

Xxx

Most have told me how lucky I am to be blessed from the Dark Lord before I was even born but it more of a curse.

Everyone looks at me like I'm dirty but they can't help but demand for my hand in marriage for their son or force their sons to try and get with me.

I couldn't believe the smile my father had when I told him I was gay; it was if I took a load of unwanted attention off of him.

He was hated by all purebloods and most half-bloods because of what he did with the women who gave birth to me; my mother in some worlds.

When I was born my father had killed the naïve girl he had filled with lies of love and forever; they had to kill her whole family to avoid a war.

My Father wife who _is _my mother her life is hectic trying to move up in the world to want to have children nor did she wish to lay with my father in that manner. So many rumors about my mother fly through the air like brooms and sadly I only see her at events or parties we are forced to have.

She tells everyone how I'm an astonishing daughter. She only claims; She hardly been in my life, at times I feel like I don't even know what she looks like.

Pansy doesn't know of how my mother and father don't live together; it would look ill of our family to be apart. My mother who been living in America for the last three years always sends note and letters to Pansy and I only get to see her at events.

Pansy always picks up slang from my mother; it almost annoying only because my mother actually treats her more like family then me; but then again I'm not really her family.

Pansy argues that she hates my mother but I know she hopes in some mind to be like her just by the way she talks about her like she her mother.

Maybe these thoughts are running through my mind because when class got dismissed I slipped off into the Defenses against the Dark Arts.

My father says they left the name as a joke but this class room is hardly a joke.

It's the first subject that interreges me but at the same time terrifies me.

The way Pansy brushed me off then demanded me to meet her for lunch was enough for me to feel the need to go to the only place I felt home.

Professor Snape taught this subject for awhile; he switched subjects claiming it not what he thought it would/should be.

It also could do with the mystery women….

Xxx

During my fourth year Snape brought in a boggarts. A boggart shows the person worst fear.

Some people worst fears were dense causing laughs amongst most; Blake Lestrange biggest fear was to have no money.

Other showed subjects that most turned the other way for: Pansy worst fear was for Draco not to like her back.

But mine was the talk of the school; my worst fear was the Dark Lord. I remember freezing unable to get rid of the thing with the spell he had blood red eyes. I could hardly breathe.

Professor Snape stood in front of me causing the Dark Lord who was just looking at me as if I was dirt he then swirled into women with thick shoulder width hair with upsetting green eyes. She looked destroyed; blood running down her eyebrow. She had a hand on her stomach she started to gush blood out of her mouth it sounded like she was whimpering _a name._

He got rid of the image with a spell I should have been able to use instead of letting his fear be seen by _us._

A bell must have rung as student went their way but I couldn't. He must have thought everyone had gone to their next class.

"Professor" I ask causing the grown man who's back was to me to try to act together.

"Yes Granger" he asked his voice wasn't filled with snarky attitude it was as if speaking was killing him.

"It okay to cry" I'm not sure why I said that instead of pleading for forgiveness but it all I could think.

He didn't speak as he leaned against his chair and slowly broke down I felt uncomfortable. Do I hug him? Do I leave? I knew I would pay for this later for seeing him weak.

I couldn't see his face but he kept mumbling "I'm sorry" over and over.

I reached out about take my hand away but reminded myself that _this_ is my fault. Firmly I placed my hand on his back; it took him a few more sobs before he moved out of my way.

"You never know who you really are until it's to late"

How do I respond to that? I kept quiet

"Granger stop being an insufferable know-it-all; a hundred points from Slytherin" he spoke as he slowly walk out of his class room.

"Sir, we both know I'll be able to get those points back in a week."

…

His dry laugh was the last reminder of that day.

Since that day we hardly speak unless needed but it almost like we came to a place most never understand. We some how accepted what we did not understand and instead of being afraid of him or wanting to be fake with him I saw man who lost a women for the war. I saw a human instead of a hero who was a part of the war to get rid of the Ministry and some group called the Order.

Seeing him as human might have been were I realized I had a crush on Bellatrix instead of just wanting to be her. My mother had heard of me being gay from Pansy who told everyone hoping that would make everyone see her.

My mother told me Bellatrix was just my idol and to stop being that way towards _older_ and much better _set of people._

She spoke those words with such spite it was almost like she was talking about mudbloods or half-bloods that weren't me.

I stand alone in the Defenses the Dark Art; the only place I let my thought run deep.

I also stare at the box holding the boggart. The younger students had to see their fears today.

I want to see my fears I need to _feel_ my fears but just like that day I'm freezing up. I'm breathing but hardly but breathing none the less.

I hear the clicking of boots as I frantically wipe my face to rid myself of silent tears.

"Lovely room isn't it?"

My heart just picked up it beats.

That was Bellatrix Black voice; am I drunk? No I can't be Pansy isn't here saying how drunk she is after two sips.

"Yes very" I cough a bit hoping the next time I speak I won't come off as weak.

"You know I was thinking of teaching the Dark Arts or Defense or whatever you call it"

I'm not sure why she talking to me it like I'm scared but also bit happy?

"Oh"

We've make each others acquaintance two times and both at a ball. The first time I was eight and I had snuck down the steps with Draco and Pansy as we saw the adult have some 'fun'. The other time she had stayed close to my mother and when I asked my father to go over there. He had snapped and ordered me to my room which caused most guests to believe I had acted out as most twelve years old do at such events but I hadn't.

"Moine!" I heard Draco voice causing me to spin around noticing for the first time how close Bellatrix Black was, I had almost knocked her down.

Why had she stood so close? Maybe to strike panic because if so she wasn't really doing a good job; I'll just check my fear later when I'm not faced with a crazy women who gives me crazy thoughts.

I started to walk away as I mumbled a sorry for almost knocking her down.

She made no remark as I ran to Draco who was in the hall out of breath from running.

"Draco what wrong?" I've known him for some time now maybe he finally told Pansy he liked her back.

"Pansy.. Went… Insane.. Claim….I….thing for you" he spoke as he tried to find his breath; he had to run quiet a bit knowing how he probably checked everywhere else and him making no sense was not helping what did he….. Wait Pansy believe Draco has a thing _for _me?

"I'm not into blokes" I said remembering how close Bellatrix Black was and how she seem a bit to friendly with my mother. What if only Bellatrix was like me…. I then felt ill maybe she slept with my mother because if so I'm pulling out on principle.

"Hermione did you hear me?"

"No go on sorry my thoughts are else where"

"Pansy did the same thing earlier…Women... I mean… I mean not women... I just I" He stopped talking making sure I wasn't fended as he went on to explain; hopefully.

"Anyways I thought I would ask Pansy out I mean I had it all planned and she went mental all because I told her to bring you!" he said rubbing his chin; if I hadn't known Draco I would believe he had lost it but he looks like all the time when Pansy angry at him.

I looped my arms with Draco as I explained what he should have done… What he will do.

I hope when Pansy screams this time it will be because Draco _doing_ a good job...

Xxx

**Not really sure why I'm writing this…. Review please**


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